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1:33am
I
know when it ends. Tonight. And that's the way it goes. It makes
me sad and relieved and amused all at the same time. Time to let
go and move on. You can't force yourself to remain in someone's
life when they don't want you there.
It hurts though. Whatever. I'm done. I walk away.
I
had easter sunday with anne marie and her family and it was nice.
There is a lot of love and fun among them. It made me lonesome for
my own family. I had some good food and I met her dad. He reminded
me of Alan Alda. He was funny. Families. Sheesh. I could say a lot
about it, but I think I won't.
In
talking with Gina tonight, I came to the realization that I don't
remember a lot of the major milestones in my life. I don't remember
my getting my first period, I don't remember buying my first bra,
or having my first kiss, or even my first date. I remember when
I lost my virginity and that's about it. I am not sure what to think
of this.
I
read my last entry before typing up this one and it was so full
of love. I was loving everyone and everything. Not tonight.
I
am feeling very negative and not the least bit entertaining. I'm
tired and grumpy and whiny and annoying and I'm going to bed before
I hate even more.
But as a point of reference, I'd much prefer hate than indifference.
Indifference is the worst.
Christ,
here comes bum lee up the steps again to use the fucking bathroom.
I swear, I have never known anyone, man or woman, to use the bathroom
as much as he does. It irritates me. A lot.
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