Okay. I believe I finally have my email woes cured. I won’t go into detail about the issues, but everything seems to be in proper working order, so let’s keep our fingers crossed. Just know that the problem was my fault, because I’m a doofus. I was trying to set up a forwarding thing and I ended up creating some sort of loop and it was all just a mess. Never mind, it isn’t important. What matters is it’s all fixed, so email away!<\/p>\n
I got into a huge argument with my mother on Monday, in which she basically told me that I am to blame for all of her stress, her high blood pressure, her poor health and the fact that they only have $1200 a month to live on. I am not sure how all of this is my fault, but clearly staying with my parents until I can manage to find a place to live is not going to work. But I have two lovely lovely friends who agreed, in fact insisted, I stay with them until I can move.<\/p>\n
I gotta say, I really hate all of this. I really hate that I am about to turn 30 and I have no house, no car, no job, no money and a baby on the way. I hate that almost everyone I know in the world is thriving in their adult lives, with real adult problems and real adult solutions. I really hate that the person I am depending on is a 22-year-old boy who loves me and loves my baby, but not quite as much as he loves drugs.<\/p>\n
I really hate that I’m smart and capable and strong yet I can’t seem to make my life into something functional and good. <\/p>\n
But there are things that keep me afloat. My friends. I love that I have such amazing friends. Everywhere I look, there are these people surrounding me who care about me so much and would do anything to help ensure my happiness. And not just because I’m pregnant. The other day one of these friends was saying to me how lucky she felt because she had such cool, wonderful friends. And I told her that it says something about her, that if she finds herself among so many good people, it means that she herself must be pretty cool. And I can tell myself that right now, when I’m feeling so low. These people that I love and admire and respect so much truly genuinely enjoy and love me right back. I can’t be so bad after all, can I?<\/p>\n
Anyway. I am tired of talking and thinking about depressing subjects (aka my life). I will talk about something happy. On Monday, I signed up at Target for a baby registry. It was so much fun. I got to walk around with that little scanner gun and pick out all these neat things for the baby. The best choice I ever made was deciding to keep this little guy inside me.<\/p>\n
In other news, I almost got a really great job. It wasn’t a high-paying job, but it looked fun and rewarding and challenging and a good opportunity. The company loved me and wanted to hire me, but guilt and responsibility overcame me and I had to tell him that I was pregnant. I didn’t want to abandon them in 2 and a half months when I leave to have the baby. I felt that they needed to know going in that I would need some maternity leave soon.<\/p>\n
But I guess I did a good job of hiding the pregnancy, because they were very shocked to learn this news. They were kind about it, happy for my upcoming motherhood and appreciative that I told them. And of course by law they have to still consider me for the position, otherwise it would be discrimination. But I made it clear they didn’t need to worry about me causing any sort of trouble for them. I said in a couple of months, if whoever they hired wasn’t working out, give me a call. And that was that.<\/p>\n
And for those of you who know me, you will be shocked to learn that I let two of my friends buy me a maternity dress. Yes, it is true; Christa has been wearing a dress, a real actual dress. It made them extremely happy and I liked the dress and felt it looked okay, so it all works out. <\/p>\n
Good god, what is Ryland doing to me? Now I’m wearing dresses? This might very well be the 1st sign of the apocalypse.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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