{"id":916,"date":"2008-08-04T15:07:24","date_gmt":"2008-08-04T19:07:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.loafe.com\/?p=916"},"modified":"2008-08-26T00:31:54","modified_gmt":"2008-08-26T04:31:54","slug":"fact-do-not-wipe-with-cotton-candy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/?p=916","title":{"rendered":"suggestion: do not wipe with cotton candy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>so this weekend I used a public restroom in which the toilet paper was like cotton candy. I don&#8217;t mean it was soft like cotton candy, I mean it had the texture, the substance, the integrity of cotton candy.<\/p>\n<p>It was flimsy and barely there and melted as soon as it got wet.<\/p>\n<p>I should have tasted it. maybe it WAS cotton candy.<\/p>\n<p>mmmmm. I love cotton candy. if my hair were made of cotton candy, I would be so beautiful. and it would be very delicious to eat me. and my hair. no one would complain &#8216;your hair is stuck in my mouth.&#8217; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>so this weekend I used a public restroom in which the toilet paper was like cotton candy. I don&#8217;t mean it was soft like cotton candy, I mean it had&hellip; <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[58,1],"tags":[50,53,52,51],"class_list":["post-916","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-best-of-loafe-vol-1","category-random","tag-cotton-candy","tag-hair","tag-oral-sex","tag-toilet-paper"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/916","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=916"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/916\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1107,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/916\/revisions\/1107"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=916"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=916"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=916"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}