{"id":859,"date":"2008-07-16T16:09:21","date_gmt":"2008-07-16T20:09:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.loafe.com\/?p=859"},"modified":"2008-07-16T16:09:21","modified_gmt":"2008-07-16T20:09:21","slug":"dont-leave-a-message-after-the-beep","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/?p=859","title":{"rendered":"don’t leave a message after the beep."},"content":{"rendered":"

a text substitutes for a phone call, in my book. if it’s your bday or arbor day or even your blogiversary (shudder<\/em>) and I text you, that is as good as me calling you up with the same well wishes. And vice versa…<\/p>\n

So let it be known that phone calls are NOT required on friday to wish me a happy 30th. Text me, message me, email me, facebook status me, iphonelyze me, skype me, comment me, whatever stings your ray. Just don’t call me alright? <\/p>\n

and listen. if you do call me and I don’t answer, do me a favor and don’t leave a message. cause then I gotta call up the voice mail and type in my password and hit a bunch of keys to get through the menu to hear the message, a thrilling message that says “hey it’s me, call me back!” and well just, UGH. that’s a lot of work. checking my voice mail is a pain in the neck. it was annoying even before my phone went swimming with the feces, but it’s worse now, since not all the keys work. Plus, I can see that you called. I see it right here on my missed calls report. so I know you called. I know. I don’t need a message telling me you called. I see it right here on the phone. okay? that is your message. okay, g’s mother? OKAY?? stop leaving me voice mails. or I will kill you.<\/p>\n

let this be a lesson to you folks: don’t drop your phone in the toilet or you will go to jail for committing murder. and don’t leave me voice mails or you will be murdered.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

a text substitutes for a phone call, in my book. if it’s your bday or arbor day or even your blogiversary (shudder) and I text you, that is as good… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-859","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/859","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=859"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/859\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=859"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=859"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=859"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}