{"id":799,"date":"2008-03-18T19:12:16","date_gmt":"2008-03-18T23:12:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.loafe.com\/?p=799"},"modified":"2008-03-26T17:37:57","modified_gmt":"2008-03-26T21:37:57","slug":"move-the-fuck-over-lady-for-reals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/?p=799","title":{"rendered":"Move the fuck over lady, for reals."},"content":{"rendered":"

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I don’t know why everyone has to sit next to me on the train. A million fucking open seats from here to the moon & they always gotta sit rightfuckingnext to me. I know I’m cool but please. I just want space. Even if it’s only on the train. Sit somewhere else, I plead with my dark sad bleeding eyes, but they squeeze their soft squishy ass next to mine anyway, and then i say fuck you motherscratchers and gouge their eyes with my pencil.<\/p>\n

Seriously look at the open seats & this woman (next to me) is practically in my lap. And not a woman I’d ever want in my lap.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don’t know why everyone has to sit next to me on the train. A million fucking open seats from here to the moon & they always gotta sit rightfuckingnext… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-799","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mobile","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/799","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=799"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/799\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=799"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=799"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=799"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}