So I bought a Real Simple<\/i> magazine the other day. Not for the first time, either. Because Real Simple<\/i> is classy, I told myself. You could use a little class, I admonished.<\/p>\n
Now here is why I want to kill myself:<\/p>\n
Earlier this afternoon, I am reading RS<\/i> and hating it, I’m talking absolute terms here. Rolling my eyes, shaking my head, taking deep power breaths to help me get through. Yet, I continue<\/b> to read. I recognize the ridiculous nature of each article, picture the women they are targeting, and enjoy imagining their demise. But I don’t stop reading.<\/p>\n
Because I’m absorbing, you see. On some sort of crazy 11th dimension in my brain, as I read this magazine, I’m gleaning useful information that I might one day be able to apply to my own routines. Helpful tips like having a sturdy yet attractive basket (perhaps one I make myself!) in my main room to help make cleaning easier (and prettier!): just drop orphaned items in it throughout the day and then make one round-the-world trip at the end of the evening, restoring everything to their rightful homes. I think “hmm, yes that WOULD be easier than walking all over the house a thousand different times, all day long, like I usually do! Yes, Real Simple, yes!”<\/p>\n
I even purchased a basket. I took my time picking it out, too, lifting each one, carefully assessing its weight, girth, and manueverability.<\/p>\n
Perhaps now you can understand my death wish. If not all of you, then those of you who know me well.<\/p>\n
Vera, Vera. You know the question. Now where the frick are you, I need some answers already. for chrissakes, people. I’m buying attractive, yet sturdy baskets. Do you hear me? ATTRACTIVE YET STURDY BASKETS!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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