Having a kid is great and all, but he sure is a time suck, let me tell you. Everything I do during the day is with him, for him, because of him. And I only have one kid, a not quite part-time job, and the kid’s father to share the burden. I have no idea how parents of multiple children, single parents, and dual-income families manage. I am in major awe of their abilities and their successes. If I had to work full-time, or if gdawg was not around, I would fail miserably at being a mom, and I’m not doing that great of a job as it is.<\/p>\n
It’s all my fault. I’m just too self-involved I guess, because it drives me nuts every single second of the day that I don’t have more me time. Pre-Ry, I never had enough time for me. In this new era, I see what a luxurious and stunning life I once had.<\/p>\n
I feel like I am always busy, even though I’m never seemingly doing anything important; nothing culturally, socially, economically significant. It’s overwhelming to say the least, and while I don’t resent Ry or my role as his mother, I could sure use some non-mom awakening. I used to be involved in things. I did, I know I did. I can’t remember what things, but I was certainly involved. I used to care. I used to want to have fun and see other people and share and explore and learn; venture out at night, past 9pm, to places other than grocery stores and pharmacies.<\/p>\n
What is interesting to me now? What do I feel passionate about? What new music, great books, or peculiar people am I investing myself in? I have no idea.<\/p>\n
Here’s something: everything I own is being stored in the garage of Gordon’s mother’s house, until we are able to move into our place (yes, we’re still waiting to move in). Well, today, we discovered that a pipe in that garage had sprung a leak. Yes, I’m lucky it wasn’t a toilet pipe. But it is the drain for the kitchen, so icky smelly food water soaked a bunch of my boxes, ruining quite a bit and generally making just a huge nasty mess. I had to throw away a lot of shit, which is a good thing I suppose, as less shit = better life; but being forced to throw something away because of a fucking broken drain and choosing to throw something away because I know I need to simplify are quite different.<\/p>\n
The world is just driving me insane. I’m being pulled in eighteen different directions and I’m ready to snap. Outside the normal demands of everyday life, I’ve got four very demanding, needy people constantly vying for my attention, and while four may not seem like a lot to you, I am on the edge, man, the edge.<\/p>\n
Those of you unsure, the four people in question are: the kid, the boyfriend, the boyfriend’s mother, and myself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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