You would think after 60 years of being a female and interested in men, I would know better. I would be smarter. I would have a firmer grip on reality. I would not get myself into these lousy situations. I would be a calm, confident bad ass bitch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But nope. Not at all. I’m a dummy and a fool and I keep making the same mistakes over and over. I learn nothing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am tired. And I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to think about sex and love and relationships and connection and emotional needs. I don’t want a man. I don’t want a woman. I want to just be alone with my music and my defeat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I promise you this. I will forever remain #coolgirl. he won’t see this. He won’t know. This wrenching anguish. Never. No one will. I’ll keep it here, my secret, my life raft, it’s mine, for me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Both my boys are gone tonight and normally I love this. but tonight, tonight it feels lonely and I have this ache that I don’t want. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fuck. I need to go to sleep. I feel nauseous. My legs are itchy and twitchy. My brain is a lumpy potato. I don’t think there are any drugs left to get me to the other side. New ones need to be invented. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I ran out of Kleenex and have to use toilet paper which feels appropriate and perfect. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tomorrow I’ll feel better. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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