{"id":3386,"date":"2023-09-08T02:29:37","date_gmt":"2023-09-08T08:29:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/?p=3386"},"modified":"2023-09-08T02:29:43","modified_gmt":"2023-09-08T08:29:43","slug":"a-tinder-tale-im-not-real-i-guess","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/?p=3386","title":{"rendered":"A tinder tale: I’m not real I guess"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I had what I thought was a promising date lined up for this weekend. while I wasn’t purposely going below<\/em> my station, I definitely wasn’t going above my station, you know what I’m saying? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyway I thought he was cute enough. and he was funny, he made me laugh. Making me laugh is like half the battle to win my affections. And he seemed nice. I enjoyed his time. It was all great. the plan was to meet on Sunday up in the mountains (near his house) for a cute little mountain town date. It sounded fun and I was looking forward to it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So all week long we have been chatting and laughing and getting to know each other a little better, waiting for the weekend and our date. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But then suddenly tonight he gets all weird with me. says I’m a ghost. He can’t find me on the internet. He has searched my name and my phone number and there is “no trace.” I laughed and thought he was just being goofy. but he was serious! he was actually mad about it! then he basically told me to kiss off. he came back a little later and asked me to “explain” why he can’t find me on the internet. For real! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I didn’t respond to him at all. Because like what the hell am I supposed to say to this? So I just ignored him. But then then get this. HE CALLED ME! Like some kind of lunatic. What. The. Hell. WHO DOES THAT. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I immediately blocked him and unmatched with him on tinder. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don’t need this kind of grief in my life. He’s stalking me on the internet and gets mad because he can’t find anything? And then demands I give an explanation? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What the fuck is wrong with men. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I mean seriously. what is wrong with them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes yes you’re right dude. this short chubby middle aged single mom of two is trying to seduce you with my below average body, all so I can go on a date with you and then… do what? I don’t even know. Steal your drum kit? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As Jenny Lewis says in her classic hot heaux summer jam: I’m not a psycho, I’m just trying to get laid. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

This guy had a legit shot at my AP and he blew it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is maybe a date with a pilot on Saturday but probably not. He asked me some questions the other night in our chat that seemed innocuous on the surface, but actually gave me the creeps. I haven’t figured it out yet, I don’t know the secret key to unlocking top tier tinder. but I am learning to trust my instincts. so if a guy gives me a weird vibe then I’m gonna pay attention to that. This pilot is giving me weird vibes. Just like that surgeon doctor (who I also had to block).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here is my advice. Don’t say weird shit. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I had what I thought was a promising date lined up for this weekend. while I wasn’t purposely going below my station, I definitely wasn’t going above my station, you… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3386","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3386","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3386"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3386\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3387,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3386\/revisions\/3387"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3386"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3386"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3386"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}