I can’t take it! He doesn’t want me as a lover. He doesn’t want me as a friend. He told me the other night that he has a “brotherly\/protector” instinct with me. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? god that’s even worse than putting me in the friend zone. Did I think I could feel worse about being “just friends”? No. No I did not. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But this man, well he found a way! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So… he’s my big brother, protecting me. Which is fine??? And wonderful??! I’ve always wanted a brother, my whole life. And now I have one??? That’s so great!! So great for me. A big brother. That I’ve been very very intimate and vulnerable with. That I’ve shared parts of me with that no one else got. A big brother that I keep embarrassing myself with repeatedly, because I am weak and he turns me into someone I don’t recognize (or even want to be).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Maybe I need to start considering if I can do this. If I can be just his friend<\/em>. I thought maybe I could., that some of him was better than none of him. but with every new boundary shift and adjustment he makes to our relationship, I end up feeling even more like shit. <\/p>\n\n\n\n How did I, of all people, let myself go this far, this deep? <\/p>\n\n\n\n I am back home tomorrow. And once the weekend comes, I’m going to figure out what I want. Maybe I need a reading. I need some guidance from the ether. <\/p>\n\n\n\n And I can’t get it from Marianne now either, because she’s super mad at me. I don’t quite know what I did exactly, but maybe that makes it worse? maybe I should know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I was feeling good at the start of this week but it quickly deteriorated. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Crap it’s late I need sleep. I hope my head stops hurting. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I can’t take it! He doesn’t want me as a lover. He doesn’t want me as a friend. He told me the other night that he has a “brotherly\/protector” instinct… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3363","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3363","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3363"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3363\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3364,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3363\/revisions\/3364"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3363"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3363"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3363"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}