{"id":3334,"date":"2023-08-01T02:24:23","date_gmt":"2023-08-01T08:24:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/?p=3334"},"modified":"2023-08-01T02:24:24","modified_gmt":"2023-08-01T08:24:24","slug":"the-light-changes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/?p=3334","title":{"rendered":"The light changes"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I thought I would be okay. That I would be grateful to have him in my life, for as long as it lasted. I truly truly, down deep into my bones, believed it would be worth it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because it all felt so good, you know? the joy and wonder that had returned to my life. I was alive again. light, dancing on air, I felt like sunshine, like moonbeams, like a constellation of lovesick stars. of course it seemed worth it! Experiencing this brief bit of happiness was 100% worth the eventual misery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I was wrong. So so wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was not worth it. I have never in my life tasted such sweetness as this, as him, felt the magic of love and belonging and desire coursing through my veins in such powerful measure. so I gave myself over to it. despite my better judgment. I ignored my instincts. I know this world and I know my fate but I let hope blind me. Hope that this time could be different. And now look at me. I’m a total mess, paying dearly for my foolishness. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wish I could be mad at myself but I’m not there yet. That will come but right now I’m surrounded by sorrow and regret. I’m exactly where I didn’t want to be. I wish I hadn’t met him, I wish I hadn’t let him in, I wish I had kept my walls up. I wish. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please please let me find a way out. I want to appreciate what we had without bitterness. to remember this time and be happy for it. I don’t want to be sad. It’s been such a lovely summer, of warm rains and golden haze. Let me move on from it with love. Please. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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I thought I would be okay. That I would be grateful to have him in my life, for as long as it lasted. I truly truly, down deep into my… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3334","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3334","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3334"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3334\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3335,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3334\/revisions\/3335"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3334"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3334"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3334"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}