This swamp I’m treading through is because I can’t stop being angry, I can’t stop from saying, “if only”\u009d I can’t find forgiveness. I can’t let go. Forever blaming my past, I’m destined to drown in it. <\/p>\n
The anger is mine, I own it and I earned it. but it’s burning my tongue and scorching my eyes, leaving me with charred hands and black feet. What I touch, what I taste, what I see, what I feel-all covered in soot.<\/p>\n
I don’t want to be this way.<\/p>\n
I can move to a hundred different cities and meet a hundred new people, but it won’t solve my puzzles, close any doors or heal the wounds. I will run to escape my unhappiness, but you know the story. I’m too slow and it always catches me.<\/p>\n
These words of mine, boy are they stale and brittle; you poor tired, overworked little words. All these years, all this time, all my adventures. Yet still, the same words, the same anger, the same blame. Some things never change.<\/p>\n
It is because I can’t let go.<\/p>\n
I hoard. Of course you know. Even what I don’t want, what I’ve forgotten, what I should forget. I won’t let any of it go.<\/p>\n
It’s lucky with me. I never remember. Except for when I do.<\/p>\n
So many memories leaked away, lost; too many memories refusing to go. With me, there is so much uncertainty, so many questions, so much unknown.<\/p>\n
I never remember, except for when I do. No superheroes then.<\/p>\n
I wrote all this down in my notebook. But private journals aren’t enough anymore. I’m a junkie; I need more, stronger and better, faster and higher.<\/p>\n
What is wrong with me that I have this raging need to spread open my metaphorical legs and show the world my secrets? What exactly am I searching for? Validation? Understanding? Sympathy? Disgust? Or maybe I am just that self-involved and narcissistic.<\/p>\n
either way, we are all covered in ash. So now what? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This swamp I’m treading through is because I can’t stop being angry, I can’t stop from saying, “if only”\u009d I can’t find forgiveness. I can’t let go. Forever blaming my… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[58,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-291","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-best-of-loafe-vol-1","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=291"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1056,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/291\/revisions\/1056"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=291"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=291"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=291"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}