I wish I could afford a jar of creme de la mer. I really do. It would probably save my life and make me gorgeous, turn my wardrobe into a collection of enviable artwork and inspire me to write the great american novel, for which I would win numerous literary awards and fame. At the very least, it would cause thom yorke and\/or matt damon, vince vaughn, zach braff and owen wilson to marry me.<\/p>\n
But I cannot afford it. I can’t afford one stupid tiny little jar of miracle moisturizer, so I’m left to suffer through a miserable, pathetic life, sans fame, literary glory, thom\/matt\/vince\/zach\/owen, nice clothes and all-around prettiness.<\/p>\n
I guess I’ll just go put on my stupid oil of olay that I bought at stupid WALMART for a lousy 8 dollars, my stupid oil of olay that I had a stupid COUPON for, to save me a frigging dollar. You can’t even type the word coupon in the same sentence as la mer. Well, you can, but that’s the closest those two will ever be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I wish I could afford a jar of creme de la mer. I really do. It would probably save my life and make me gorgeous, turn my wardrobe into a… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-random"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=247"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/247\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.loafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}