I just listened to times like these by foo fighters five times in a row. No wait, six. A song that I’ve already listened to an uncountable number of times. I suppose it’s times like these that I like to listen to times like these.
and what are these times? I dunno. times like these are when I feel something missing maybe. times like these are when I think I need to get pregnant. times like these when a choice must be made. times like these when reality is thin and a shimmer is just behind the curtain. times like these when you know the plates are shifting and the gulf is widening.
I want to disappear, take Ryland and just disappear.
not that I’m depressed or sad. because I’m not, not really, not any more or less than normal. it’s… I guess it’s just times like these, you know? times like these.
times to be somewhere else, somewhere different, somewhere unknown, just me and my ry, with new stories, new eyes, new sky. it’s appealing. that’s all I’m saying. It’s appealing, his sleepy arms around my neck as we slink off into the night.
don’t we all suffer the ache of just being who we are, and of everything that it took to get us there? we get crushed under the weight of our very breaths and our lungs atrophy, we atrophy.
there is something to be said for laying it all out. to tell you everything, to want you to know everything, to open the wounds and let the blood cover you. it’s not just therapeutic. it’s not just healing. it’s a chance to get out from under that suffocating air and really fill your lungs with the sweet and sacred, something inviolable. it doesn’t happen enough, you know? So it’s okay to chase it down when it does, to chase it as far as necessary. because if I don’t, if you let me go, if you give up, if we walk away… well, you don’t have to stop breathing to be dead.
- never seen big lebowski?
- I’ve got something you can labor