I’m giving up potty training. It’s a ridiculous, mind-numbing, patience-eating, happiness-destroying pain in the ass activity that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Just when you think things are going swell, when you’ve crossed the threshold, broken the barrier, made it to the other side, you find yourself buried in a silo’s worth of soiled bedding, clothes and various household items, reminding you how much you suck as a parent and how well you’ve succeeded in raising the worst and possibly most retarded child in the history of children.
I don’t know what happened. Things were great. He was peeing in the toilet like a champ. Sure, we were struggling a bit with the whole pooping thing, but it was okay, we were making progress. Slow progress, but moving forward we were.
Then suddenly, overnight, we’re back to square one. Not even square one, we’re back to like square -12 or something, because not only is he refusing to poop in the toilet, he won’t even pee in it anymore. He won’t tell us when he has to go, he’ll just wet himself. When we sit him on the toilet, he screams and cries and carries on like I’m lighting matches to his tenderonies and still he won’t go.
He’s peeing his pants all the time now, peeing peeing peeing everywhere, soaking his clothes, soaking his bed, soaking the earth, soaking my love, all with his evil urine. I don’t want to traumatize the poor kid by making him sit on the toilet crying hysterically while I sit there next to him crying hysterically, cursing at him to just pee in the goddamn toilet already what the eff is wrong with you it isn’t rocket science just PEE IN THE FUCKING TOILET AHHHHHHH!!!
But I can’t take it anymore. I’m at my limit. I do not know what else to do. I can’t bribe him any more than I have, not with treats, not with toys, not with stickers, not with money. Nothing works. He has his own little potty. He has the big potty. He has the little kid toilet seat to place over the big potty. He knows it’s time, he knows how to do it, he’s done it plenty of times, and still he refuses. I beg. I try reasoning. He is a wall.
I don’t want keep putting him in diapers all day, because he’s 3 and a fucking half years old. But he is completely unfazed when he pees/poops his pants. And it’s not like I can just let him sit in his dirty clothes, I have to change him, so there is no real suffering or incentive on his part. It really just seems like I have no other choice but to go back to diapers. It feels like I’m giving in to him, he’ll know my breaking point and being the little devil he is exploit that to his full advantage, but I just don’t care anymore.
fucking kids. no wonder my mother hates me.
I probably should have put this post up yesterday, because thursdays are supposed to be about the divine, but there is little to be inspired by in the world of human waste. even if it is related to you.
- in the throes
- Why I love my child more than anything in the world