“me turn to try it.”

That is the phrase that is currently haunting my every waking moment. my sleeping moments, too. Constantly, all the time, with everything, Ry says, “Me tuuuuurn to try iiiit…” It’s great that he’s getting all independent and shit, but seriously. SERIOUSLY. How do you explain to a three-year-old that as capable as he may feel, he is just not ready to handle the blogosphere? and the fact that he says “me turn” and not “my turn” means he should probably just keep quiet?

Here’s what you say. “please. you sleep with stuffed animals in your bed. the internet is for mommies. here, take your little sippy cup covered in hopping bunnies and go play cars or something.”

“me turn to try it” he tells me again. as a warning. what he’s really saying is “unless you do as I say and give me exactly what I want, I will start crying and whining and pestering you until your eyes bleed. neither of us wants that.”

so fine, I gave in, let him have the computer. and created a monster. because now he’s addicted like his mom. His drug of choice? The white china that is Noggin. noggin noggin noggin. “I want to play noggin mommy.” from the time he wakes up until I drag him off it at night, kicking & screaming. He plays the same dumb games over and over again, and while he’s good with the mouse and everything, he still kind of sucks, which is hard for me, because the games are easy and stupid and made for little kids and it bugs me when he doesn’t do it right or makes mistakes or doesn’t “win”. I want to be all nick burns, “move! I’ll do it.” he cries and gets mad when I do that though.

anyway.

Super Tuesday was pretty exciting don’t ya think? It’s great to see the country so involved, so interested. People are caring, they are invested, they are willing to get off their asses and make a choice. Call me a nerd if you will, but I love voting. I want everyone else to love it, too. Voting is mad rad, my dogs. mad rad.

So I guess everything is still kind of up in the air, particularly in the dems corner, but I don’t think it matters who wins the nominations. Because I’m pulling a babe ruth, 430 ft to center, a mark messier guarantee, game six win. The next president is going to be black or have a vagina, either one works for me; I’m just pleased to punches that it will be a democrat.

Because I know the American people will not put another Republican in office (or even someone pretending to be Republican). I trust them. They feel bad about their behavior in the last two elections. They want to make amends. They say to me, “I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry for hurting you. don’t look at me that way. It’s just that sometimes, sometimes I have too much to drink. because I love you, see, I love you so much, and it makes me lose my mind. baby please. I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you. commere. I’m not going to hit you. I promise.”

Say Clinton wins. Obama becomes her running mate. She wins the presidency. She gets a 2nd term. Then in 2016, VP Obama takes over the reins, and goes on to a 2nd term as well. 16 years. That should be enough time to undue the damage of the past eight, you think? Scrub ourselves clean of his filth? A scalding hot, purifying 16 year shower. Rub us raw, democrats. I beg you, rub us raw.

10 thoughts on ““me turn to try it.”

  1. brasten

    “They feel bad about their behavior in the last two elections. They want to make amends.”

    — okay, I give. I voted for him both times, so I officially owe the Loafe gang an apology!

  2. PA Michelle

    my favorite is “PUT ON SOMETHING FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” (meaning the TV)

    My response: Spongebob is already on for YOUUUUUUUU. Do you think I love to sit here and watch 24×7 kid TV. Nooooooooo!

  3. Marianne

    You mark my words, CJM, if John McCain actually manages to secure the republican nomination and Hillary Clinton gets the democratic one, McCain will win. The men of this country will vote for the goddamned cloven hooved satan before they will vote for Clinton and unfortunately they make up half the country.

    Not that I would not be pleased as punch if she did get the nomination, mind you, even though I am for Obama, I agree with you that our choices are just supreme, like being forced to pick between the chocolate dipped strawberry blizard and the strawberry malt at the DQ, both are delicious. It’s just that I’m not so confident the dems will actually win the presidency with her as our nominee. Especially with McCain playing the role of cloven hooved satan.

  4. brasten

    I think you’re wrong, Marianne. The Republican party is fracturing into like 3-4 different pieces while the Dems have a very strong, unified vision. I think either of the Dems beats McCain, Romney or Huckabee to varying degrees.

  5. gina

    I agree with you Marianne. It seems a common theme with liberal men that I’ve encountered – they universally seem to despise Hillary. While I am certainly not a fan, it troubles me that they seem so opposed to her, and I think it has everything to do with her being a woman, and not so much her political platform. Jerks. :)

  6. Jonathan

    next president is going to be black or have a vagina, either one works for me little known fact, actually, and I swear this is true: if Hilary wins the nomination & goes on to win the Presidency, then the next president is going to have a black vagina. She had her caucasian babymaker replaced with an African American one donated from a motorcycle accident victim back in 1988. True story. Rumor has it it was to accomodate Bill, who is overly large where it counts (note his preference for bigger gals), and he was sick of only being able to hit the 3/4 line on his plunger. Swear to God. Don’t ask how I know.

  7. christa Post author

    brasten! I am so happy to see you. You never come around these parts no more. welcome back!

    also: JR, will you marry me?

  8. Jonathan

    Only if you promise to get a black hoo haa. My penis & I are crossing off a racial “to do” list & Robin covered the “Hispanic” category, which leaves only Ukranian, African-American & Eskimo pussy. I don’t know but I’ve been told that Eskimo pussy is mighty cold, though, so I’m saving that for last.

  9. brasten

    I kind of shut off my RSS reader a long time ago and completely forgot about blogs. Didn’t intentionally do it, just didn’t want it on while I was working and after a couple days I’d forgotten!

    But I’m back. :-)

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