you don’t want to read this post.

By Christa 7 November, 2007 best of loafe, vol 1, random

my life is getting incredibly boring sitting here waiting for you.

I am drawn to guys who have money and big dicks. G only has one of those two; since we’re continually broke, it’s not difficult to figure out which one.

If I had to choose between the two, money or a big penis, I’d take the big penis (which is probably why I’m still with him). Because money comes and goes and I’d be the same miserable jerk even if I had loads of cash. If G had a teeny tiny? Well, no amount of money is going to make up for that. Plus, guys who have big penises have an intrinsic sort of confidence to them that a lack of skills in all other areas of life can’t touch. He’ll never need to do the stupid things guys do to make up for their penile shortcomings. He may have self-esteem issues with his level of education, his bank account, his entire life, but below the belt, well…ain’t nothing to sweat about there, he can walk tall and with a swagger.

And I’m not just talking length here either, because it’s the entire umm, package, as it were, that matters. Circumference, length, smoothness, hardness, heft. I’ve broke bread with many a penis and I can admit to you here and now that the balls and chain of my ball-and-chain tops the list.

I’m totally kidding. I don’t like guys just because they have money.

All the other stuff, though, that’s true.

9 thoughts on “you don’t want to read this post.”

  1. Jonathan

    Man. You do NOT want to see my penis.* In retrospect, it was probably my tiny cock that drove me to be so incredibly financially sucessful. But money can’t buy me a larger cock,** and that’s why I’m bitter inside.

    *even though secretly you totally do
    **even though actually it can

  2. christa

    Uhh, jonathan my love, it is no secret at all that I want to see your penis.

    and your money can’t buy you an AUTHENTIC big cock. natural is always better. don’t care what anyone says.

    and I refuse to believe you have a small penis. no. it will ruin everything for me.

  3. Marianne

    My human sexuality teacher back in college said that even if there are differences in size of the flaccid penis, all erections are pretty much the same size. I sometimes repeat this like a mantra.

  6. christa

    I was trying to keep that a secret, Gina. For Marianne’s sake.

    She’s right though…all erections are definitely not the same. definitely most absolutely certainly not. I’m sorry M. but keep your mantra!

  8. Jonathan

    I certainly hope that all erections are not the same. Mine can find water in the desert, and I’m kinda counting on that fact to keep the other survivors from eating me if I’m ever in a plane crash. My tiny little divining rod.

    Just kidding. But it CAN be used to MAKE water in a desert. Get it? It’s a peepee joke.