halloween is truly the most evil of all holidays. Not because of the scary movies and costumes and general spooky vibe. No, the evil is because of the candy. those devilish little miniature candies, snack-sized, fun packed and individually wrapped for your convenience. Candy everywhere, so easy to eat, so hard to resist. who can say no to a teeny pack of m&m’s? Or a mini-peanut butter cup? or a tiny little packages of skittles? or a tube of smarties? What’s the harm? It’s just an itty bitty baby package. So cute. It can’t hurt.
But before you know it, you’re surrounded by hundreds of little wrappers crinkling at you, taunting you and all your fatty fatness.
There is seriously so much candy in my house, in my car, in my office, even at the gym…it’s haunting me and I am weak, so very weak.
and fat, so very fat.
god damn halloween. I fucking hate you.
no no, I’m sorry my sweet. I didn’t mean it. I get scared sometimes, that’s all. i still love you. come here. let me lay you down by the fire. We make beautiful love together. Put your halloween seed in me, let me have your candy babies. Then later, we’ll eat them together, as we make more beautiful candy babies to eat.
- they lost
- you don’t want to read this post.