in the valley

When is it safe to let go and when should you stay and fight? The eternal battle. Holding on. I do it too much.

I’m very good at it. I’m an expert. I’m not a packrat, I’m a memory keeper. I have boxes of nostalgia, everywhere in my life. everywhere in my head.

I stand between two peaks, both calling to me, whispering their secrets.

One is history. Somewhere to belong. Connection. Home is here.

The other–living in the moment, unencumbered, unburdened. Home is everywhere.

What’s worth keeping and what’s worth throwing away?

Burn everything. Once it’s gone, you can’t get it back. I need this lesson. I need this understanding to dawn. I am too tangled. dusty cobwebs. Burn the letters, the pictures, the stories, the past. Burn it or bury yourself. It’s a choice.

The struggle though. What is going too far and what is not far enough?

Everything. Nothing. Either. Or. The in between is killing me.

Burn the bad. Burn the good. What’s the difference?

Him = good.

Them = bad.

my childhood = good.

my childhood = bad.

love here.
love gone.

holding on
letting go

history.
now.

see? you can’t distinguish.

It’s all fleeting. A flash. A wink. A breeze.

I just want to feel secure. It’s all I know. It’s me. It’s made me me. Even the bad–it’s me. the sun needs his moon. the moon needs her ocean. the ocean needs its sky.

If I burn it now, I can’t find it again someday, when I’m 300 years old. I won’t be able to find it and smile and remember. oh that memory. The greatest sadness ever there was.

torn between two lovers feeling like a fool.

There is no Now without History.

Forget. Remember.

It’s a choice.

I’ve been making the wrong one?

Save Ry’s history.

Burn mine?

I’ll stand in this valley and never make a choice, because I’ll never get it right.

time to make dinner, eh?

10 thoughts on “in the valley

  1. christa Post author

    well I have to keep the mags, Morgan, because they are going to be part of my famous and critically acclaimed work of art, to be featured at all the finest museums in the world. you know, with the candles and stuff?

    as for getting rid of the books…

    NEVAR!

  2. Steph

    ooopppsss forgot the issue with the emotion icons… oh well, i can hear you bitching now, and now it makes me laugh… hahahaha

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