water sprays.

Did you know there are people who flush the toilet without putting down the lid first?

They let the spray from the flush land on everything in their bathrooms, including their toothbrushes.

It’s the grossest thing in the world.

Did you know that when you flush, it can spray toilet water (and therefore urine and feces) up to 25 feet or something crazy like that? Go ahead and look it up if you doubt me. But it’s true and all of you non-lid closing people make me sick. You should be ashamed.

I am totally addicted to this stupid computer game called Zuma. Whenever I feel stressed or anxious, I sit down and start clicking away. I’ve been playing it a lot lately. A super lot. I don’t know if it really helps or not, but I can’t stop from doing it. I’m such a jerk.

No, really though, I am. A jerk and a bitch. If only you knew.

But it’s okay to not like your in-laws, right? It isn’t a requirement. You don’t have to like them or respect them even, just because they are related to your significant other (and your son, if you want to get depressingly technical about it)? You can find them distasteful and trashy and ridiculous, can’t you?

Of course you can. But not without being saddled as a bitch. Which is okay. Because I am. I truly am a bitch, a mean spiteful uncaring bitch. I’m okay with it.

Far be it from me to judge someone else’s parenting skills, but when you’re staying at someone’s home you should not let your five-year-old run around naked and sleep without underwear. It’s just icky. It’s more than icky. it’s wrong. In your own home, let her do whatever she wants, but anywhere else and use the frigging underwear. Please. I beg you.

And also, if you’re staying at someone’s house, you don’t dictate to them what you will be watching on their TV, with the satellite service they pay for, especially when it’s the first night of hockey playoffs, and ESPECIALLY when it’s ghost whisperer. You aren’t going to cause everyone else to miss the playoffs to watch that mothereffing show, that’s a goddamned guarantee.

So yeah, just a few tips for any of you finding yourself at someone else’s house for whatever reason.

5 thoughts on “water sprays.

  1. tonya

    oh christa, you are just too funny. regarding that toothbrush comment, i recently had a spat with the hubby about that very thing. now, he is much more meticulous about these things than i am, and he INSISTS that i keep ben’s toothbrush in a toothbrush container in a bathroom drawer so that no urine or feces can land on it. HOWEVER…i watched an episode of that mythbusters program and they tested this “myth” and, unfortunately, showed that even the toothbrush left in the kitchen ended up with feces on it. ick!

  2. DG

    I keep my toothbrush in the kitchen.
    And about your personality?
    Its why we love you.. because you are so much like us. Loafers.

  3. christa Post author

    are you serious?

    how did feces get on a toothbrush in the kitchen?

    for real??

    oh god. I want to throw up.

    I am eating feces.

    you know I think I saw that Mythbusters now that you mention it…stupid feces, getting on everything.

    Still, we should all just keep our lids down when we flush.

    hey Tonya we should talk this weekend, I’ll email you my new number…or you email yours.

  4. Jonathan

    Yeah, it’s for reasons like this that I just go ahead and put my own feces directly on my toothbrush. I mean, if it’s gonna get there anyway, at least I might as well know WHO’S feces is on there, you know?

  5. DG

    No, there is no feces in my kitchen… There used to be mouse feces but my cats have solved that problem
    and god Jonathon you are so funny!!!
    And my lid came off years ago and I havent the time or inclination
    to fix it. (maybe thats why the toothbrushes are in the kitchen?)

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