the way it will shape us.

I think that one of the things I am most sad about right now is that RG doesn’t get to experience my friends. He’s almost 2 years old and he doesn’t know any of them. He did his first year of life, which I am grateful for, but that was more for me than him, because he doesn’t remember. It doesn’t matter how much I talk about them or show him pictures, he doesn’t know them, doesn’t see them, doesn’t get to learn from them and see how great they are and how the world is better with them around.

My friends are my family and I want to surround Ry with good people, and you can’t ask for a richer, deeper, better group. There is something so cool and essential to each one of them. I want that to rub off on my son. I want him to have the full spectrum of light, and right now I feel like he’s really missing out. I am in love with all my friends equally, but there are two that I’d like to talk about right now.

One is Morgan. I want the influence and love of all my friends, of course, but there’s just something about Morgan that I want Ry to know. I can’t put my finger on it, because Morgan is a special kind of guy, one that even I can’t categorize or label. You just have to know him. There isn’t one part or aspect to his personality that I can signal out. It’s the totality of his being. It’s really fantastic. Ry deserves to know him.

I was never really a very good person, so I don’t know how I ended up with Morgan in my life, but boy. Without him, I would have turned into something evil and wrong, much nastier than I am now, a dreadful person with a dreadful soul. And he did it without even trying. It’s truly amazing. He loves unconditionally, it could almost make you sick. And he is creative beyond belief. Not just musically, either, although really he’s a music genius and he doesn’t even know it, which makes it even more perfect. He’s honest and true, he is kind and decent and loyal and respectful. He’s so silly and goofy and easy-going, but don’t let that fool you, because he’s got a lot going on underneath. He’s supportive of just about anything and everyone and will forgive even the worse of transgressions. Because when Morgan brings you into his circle, you’re there to stay. He is my forever friend and the idea that Ry won’t know him is just so unnatural and scary. If Ry could absorb even half of what’s inside Morgan, I would consider myself a successful parent.

I am just so happy he’s around. I used to think that Tiffany didn’t deserve him, then for awhile I thought that he didn’t deserve Tiffany. But now, I don’t even think it’s about deserving. It’s more like…the world balancing out. Because at the end of the day, they love each other like no one else can. Tiffany sees in Morgan all that I see, and more. She appreciates him in the way that Morgan should be appreciated. And a girl who understands Morgan like that? Well, she’s a special kind of girl. It isn’t about deserving, it’s about finding.

The other person that I wish Ry knew is someone I aspire to be, because she never backs down, never gives up, never lets the world tell her to be anyone but herself. She’s someone I love so deeply that I cannot separate her essence from my understanding of love itself. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be here today wishing Ry knew her; there wouldn’t be a Ry, there wouldn’t be a me.

I don’t know, maybe it’s impossible for my family to ever be close with her family, because our lives have gone in vastly different directions, but her unending influence on me ensures that I raise my little guy in her image, and that is something that cannot be denied or undone. So even if he never knows her in the way that I desire, she is still a part of him, because they are both parts of me. She embraces all of life, and welcomes it with open arms, and for her, it’s the imperfections and flaws that make beauty and truth. Her passion is inspiring and her mothering is creating two of the most profound children I know.

If I were a house, Morgan would be my foundation. But the ground I am supported by would be Marianne.

Or if I were a tree, Morgan would be my trunk, and Marianne my roots.

Or if I were a television, Morgan would be my cathrode-ray tube (cause it will be a long time before my TV is anything but), and marianne my revered TiVo.

M & M = two kids who live, love and loafe every day.

6 thoughts on “the way it will shape us.

  1. Jonathan

    If you were a Harry Nilsson song, Morgan would be the lime, and Marianne would be the coconut…

    If you were a pre-menopausal vagina, Morgan would be the menstrual flow, and Marianne would be the Keeper…

    This is kinda fun… also, I don’t want to make this weird for Tiff, but in your first two analogies, Morgan is plunging deeply into Marianne, which may or may not be subconsciously what you intended, but that’s certainly how it comes across.

  2. DG

    I like Morgan. I sent him a money order he sent me his Croutons CD. Some day Ill send him a money order and hell send me his 10%’rs CD. I like his CD, its funny , witty, and has some good songs on it.

  3. Morgan

    Hey those are nice things to say about me. Thank you. I’m not ‘all that’ (as the kids are saying)… I drive too fast and I think iTunes is retarded. See?… pure evil.
    -Monica

  4. Tiffany

    Ha. Morgan, saying you drive to fast is like saying you’re married to Alyson Hannigan. And you’re not, by the way. No matter how much you wish it was so.

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