maybe it’s me?

Am I only the one who thinks that the Olympic coverage is totally cheeseball? Well, it is here in the US and I’m sure other countries are no different. Just something about the Olympics that brings it out in people.

It makes me laugh. There is always a long, rambling backstory and so much drama, tragedy and hardship for every single athlete competing. The announcers are so serious and into it, it’s almost scary. They’ll tell you stories like “Oh and his grandmother died exactly 12 years ago to this very day, can you imagine? So he’s doing this race not just for him and his country, but for his grandmother as well, who was his biggest supporter” and meanwhile the athlete is like 24, making him 12 years old when his grandmother was his “biggest supporter.” 12? Come on. COME ON!

Gordon and I have started making up stories for different athletes, like “Oh boy, Sarah, this kid has his work cut out for him tonight. Listen to this. He got a call from his mother this morning, just hours before the big race, and she told him they were out of milk. Yes, that’s right. out of milk. Completely and totally. I don’t know how he’s going to focus on the event, but if he wants to medal, he’s going to have to put that out of his mind and just go for it. The pressure these athletes are under, with all the media attention and then to be told, by your own mother the day of the biggest race of your life, that you are out of milk? Well, I don’t envy him. But I’ve seen him race and it’s things like this that really set him apart, tragedies like this seem to give him the motivation and strength to win, to break records even. He’s a true professional in his field. No milk, and yet here he is, warming up and ready to perform for his country. He isn’t going to let the terrorists win, no sir he isn’t.”

We try to see who can come up with the most outrageous and ridiculous backstory. I usually win. I’m a gold medal tragedy maker. What can I say, I have the gift.

29 thoughts on “maybe it’s me?

  1. Tiffany

    I can’t even tell you how so very hard I just laughed for ten minutes straight. If there was a “Best Of Loafe”, this entry would surely win!

    Hey, that gives me an idea….. There should be a “Best of Loafe” contest! You can let your loafers pick which entry was the best (in their opinion) and the winner gets a prize. I know where you can get prison bras for cheap! You can give those as prizes.

    I love you and I miss you terribly. I wish you were going to be here for the Ten Percenters cd release party this weekend. Anyone within 100 miles of Tucson (ahem, Marianne) should come to Tucson for the show!

  2. christa Post author

    yes do tell, what are prison bras?

    it isn’t totally unrelated, we were talking about grandmothers and all the tragedy they cause to olympic athletes. you know, it’s just my opinion, but I think that if you have 20 grandchildren and some of those grandkids even have their own kids, your time to shine in the motherhood role is kinda over, no?

  3. gina

    I saw this yesterday and it triggered a thought provoking question. She is blind, how does she change all those poopy diapers? I know I must sound like a totally insensitive moron, but when I watched the news on this story yesterday, that is what popped in to my head. Some of these poopy diapers are just out of control and I can hardly get a handle on them. I’m talking about those situations when you just give up trying to use the wipes and go for hosing off.

  4. Tiffany

    Maybe it’s the cold medicine, but god damn if this isn’t the funniest episode of loafe. By the way, Prison Bras are just that, bras for prisoners. For awhile, a few years ago, they were selling them at the Goodwill across the street from my work. And, I think it was the boys of Yellowcab that said they wanted to give them away at shows as prizes. It was funny back then. Apparently not now.

    I’ll just take my prison bras and head into the sunset. It sets in the west, ya know?

  5. DG

    Its the explosion of endorphins in their brains after they get done with extreme physical exertion.
    They are literally tripping on brain chemicals, hence the bizarre stories.
    Much like my behavior after swimming 40 lengths. That women is fortunate, the kid will enrich her life , and before it can be a disapointment shell die of old age. Sounds like a plan!!!

  6. christa Post author

    how do you know they are bras from prison? do they have little tags? is it a special brand that only makes bras for prisoners? I’m assuming we’re talking about women inmates, not the guys who need man-bras. the bro.

    I want a prison bra! I think that is hilarious. it’s not the cold medicine. prison bras. ha. good band name.

    and I had no idea that crazy old woman was BLIND! seriously? she’s blind? poopy diapers are just the beginning of my questions.

  7. DG

    They found a wolverine in Washington State. The story explained this:
    They named her Melanie, after wolverine expert Jeff Copeland’s granddaughter, because he missed the child’s birthday party to lend his expertise to the wolverine expedition.
    I immediately thought: what a self centered asshole geek egotist sleezebag. I can see his grandaughter in 20 years wearing one of those prison bras because she had personal problems and feelings of rejection from this dorks crap grandparenting skills. So she got hooked on drugs went into a zoo and spray painted the wolverines pink or something.

  8. Jonathan

    I honestly thought “prison bras” was a nickname for Sports Bras when I first read it. You know, cause they are so secure that they put your tits in lockdown?

  9. gina

    Blind since birth and had 12 kids.

    Did you see her husband? I believe he can see, and therefore has no excuse for that outfit he was wearing. He was wearing one of those annoying graphic cardigans with some kind of sloppy t-shirt. God I hate those sweaters. I call them “Uncle Tino” sweaters, named after my own Uncle Tino. Wish me luck, I expect I will see hundreds of men in these types of sweaters at the boardgaming convention I am going to tonight. Gina knows how to PARTY!!!

  10. Jonathan

    Boardgaming like roll dice & slay orcs? Or boardgaming like monopoly & parcheesi? Cause while both of those are lame, I didn’t even know the second one existed. Who would sponsor such a thing, Milton-Bradley? Hasbro?

  11. gina

    Boardgaming like roll dice and slay orcs. I think they play all sorts of games at this thing, but I think they play a lot of these european boardgames that I have never heard of. I think a “popular” one is called Settlers of Catan. It’s my first time.

    If you lived near here Christa I would make you go with me. We’d be the hottest (i.e. only) chicks there!

  12. Jonathan

    Knock yourself out, Gina. Just don’t let any of the rpg nerds try to “unsheath their sword” in your direction, if you catch my meaning. Sweaty LARP nerds are almost always poor fucks, I would imagine.

  13. Simon

    do the prison bras have an advertising tag line?

    like, supporting women in their time of need…

    my favourite movie tag line ever was for one of the naked gun movies.

    (insert the guy with the deep voice)

    “if you see just one movie this year, then maybe you should get out and see some more…”

  14. Tiffany

    Prison bras are, well at least the ones I saw at Goodwill, are these dingy, gray, soft cup bras with big numbers printed on them. I was trying to find a picture, but couldn’t.

  15. christa Post author

    if i ever went to jail, I would work on a reform campaign of letting us wear nice bras. just cause you’re in prison doesn’t mean you can’t be pretty, am I right girls?

  16. Tiffany

    RIGHT! And we should also campaign for underwire! That way, we can support our girls while also being able to make shivs out of the underwire.

  17. Jonathan

    Silly christa! There’s no time for wearing bras at the all girls prison! Not with all the making out with each other and sweaty showering and other activities on the curriculum…

  18. christa Post author

    shivs. haha. shivs. I want to go to jail just so I can make a shiv and tell someone “yeah I made a shiv.”

    tiffany I have something to tell you.

  19. Jonathan

    Don’t do it Tiff, it’s a trap! She’s gonna make you lean in close for a make out session and then get you with the shiv when you least expect it!

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