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Whatever
satisfies the soul is truth. 11-28-00 who wants to see what my desktop currently looks like? so I'm goddamned sick AGAIN. christ. it is getting to be quite ridiculous. on top of being sick I had this baggage problem on my trip home and now it's this big huge hassle and it is very annoying and bothersome. but the rumors are true. I'm back in Boston now. after a nice goddamned vacation in Arizona (and New Mexico). really though, it was nice. so many things happened and it was so great, I don't even know where to start talking about it all. If I were smart or clever I would write a song about it. as I talked about in my loafe update from AZ--I kinda learned a little bit about myself. that was cool. I got to hang out with my friends and see some local (tucson) music and laugh and love and make out with a boy. It was a very energizing trip. (note: your definition and my definition of "make out" are probably very different) the boy I met was very weird and cool and interesting and even now I'm not sure what to think of him. it was definitely just a tucson thing. first of all, because I live in Boston and he doesn't. second of all, because he doesn't want anything. and third of all, because I don't want anything. that was another discovery I made. I don't want to be in a serious relationship. everyone I know seems to be in one and most of them seem pretty happy about it I guess and it's sweet and nice and all that. but I also know that a lot of people compromise and sacrifice essential parts of themselves for the sake of the relationship and I refuse to do that. I will not settle. I may be slutty and do slutty things, I may get lonely and sad, I may act a little chaotic (okay a lot chaotic fuck off), but I'm not living a life where I just go through the motions and do what is expected of me and act and pretend like it is good enough. also not a lot of people understand me or are capable of dealing with me so instead of trying to change who I am to be more acceptable, I'd rather just be alone. I am my own best boyfriend anyway, any other boy starts to bore me after awhile. well one boy doesn't bore me. and who is that boy? it's the boy on my desktop! his name is nick. he's dreamy. oh so dreamy. so...are you being true to yourself? is your soul satisfied?
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