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A chief event of life is the day in which we have encountered a mind that startled us. -Ralph Waldo Emerson 10-27-00 oooh...midnight on the dot! I wonder if that means bad luck. so I was thinking earlier today at work that I remind myself of this one character from Fargo, (my most favoritest movie) this old classmate of Marge's, a guy named Mike. right in the middle of all the murder and mayhem happening, Mike calls her up one night to get together for drinks or whatever and he's just this freaking MESS and so desperate and lonely and crazy and he says to her at one point, "I like you so much Marge. you're a real nice lady. I like you so much" (this isn't the exact words and order but you get the general idea). you have to hear him say this to really understand but anyway, he's totally scary and insane and that's me. I just reach out and cling to anything because I'm so goddamned pathetic. It's funny. so now all I hear in my head these days is "I like you so much..." You really have to hear me say it to fully appreciate the humor in it. really. I went to a hockey game tonight and I had so much fun, I like you so much hockey, I like you so much. seriously though. I love hockey. I'm not exactly a Bruins fan, but you know, I'm living here now so I gotta root for the home team and that means the Bruins even though they are LAST PLACE in their division. But they have this goalie who is very very very cute and he's now my newest boyfriend. his name is andrew raycroft, he's 20-years-old (I like 'em young) and he's sexy and he's a goalie and he's sexy and a hockey player and I love him and he's major hot. the other two players I'm sort of sweet on (I like you so much) are jason allison and mike knuble. mmmm. I'd have no problem being a hockey groupie because hockey players are the absolute sexiest guys in the world. I like the actual game of hockey and all that, blah blah blah, but those boys, watching them skate and check and pass and get in fights and and and...well, I just love it. so the bruins won, they beat the capitols (big whoop there) and I was glad and I cheered and rooted and there was a fight, and my boyfriend (knuble) won it but they both had to go into the penalty box and I masturbate wildy to hockey and images of hockey and hockey players. I really could talk this whole entry about hockey so I'll stop now. email is due to so many people and I just am not writing back or even wanting to write back and it's not personal against anyone, but I'm very tired and people wear me out, even people I like. so no offense if you've written me and I've not written back. soon, okay? soon. me. getting sick. that sucks. stupid sick. i banish you! go, sick, go now! when I started loafe, I told myself that I would always be completely honest. and to meet that goal, one of the things I have to do is not think about the people I know who read this. because if I do that, then I start censoring myself and watching what I say because so-and-so will read it. it gets hard sometimes though. I don't want to hurt anyone or make anyone angry at me. but loafe is ultimately about me and so that's how it goes, I guess and people are just gonna have to not read it or deal with whatever I say. I've been sad lately, that's obvious. I go on and on and on and on and on about that; pretty much run that topic right into the ground. what is annoying to me is this prevading sadness making me so listless and burnt out and worn down. I've been stumbling around and now I feel like I just can't catch up to the speed of life again. but I like you so much, you're such a nice lady and I'm so lonely, so lonely.
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